Excuses
2012 26 Octubre 2305
“But we must learn to be equally good at what is short and
sharp and what is long and tough.” W. Churchill
I can’t remember when I last read
the Bible. There’s a book in there called the Book of Job. It’s an odd book because nowhere in the
scriptures had someone been so “blessed” to be punished. This entry is not
about the book but the virtues learned. To be edified, you have to learn to
accept the ugly and nasty things as much as you welcome the good.
I thought about it this month. As I
for a while have limited my physical exercises from an injury, long grueling
work load and inability to conquer my own stress and sleep. I’d been grounded
for weeks and months. How I wish I never have to restart this again. It’s like
building an empire that crumble and you have to start over again brick by
brick.
My body feels like when a robot
wakes up and don’t know how to move it. I use to remember moving faster,
easier, sleeker, more agile. Now I feel lousy, haggard, and disgusted. These extra
ten pounds feel like hundreds. Like when you’re at the bottom of a hill and you
still have the rest to go. Tall order.
After a couple weeks it even got
worse. Beginning is usually your own worst enemy: when your own mind messes
with your determination. It’s about the time when excuses start creeping in.
Excuses are the evil inside your head that’s more prominent when the going gets
tough. Maybe I should sit this one out. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe I’ll take a
break. To top it all off, the things you are invulnerable from when you were
breezing through are present. Self-pity, regret, guilt, frustration, and
defeatism all come in at once. When things are easy the weather never bothered
you. But when times are rough, the weather is never good enough. When it rains it pours.
Today as I write this I finally
figured out that the best part of everything are the beginnings. Not because of
the aesthetics (oh do I look sloppy!), not because of the ease (please make it
stop!), not because of contentment (when is it going to be easier?), but
because beginnings teach you to be tougher in your noggin. Where it counts the
most. There is no harder part in anything than the start line. It’s easy to be
motivated when you can run faster. Easier to be brave when you have all the
muscles. It’s easier to continue when you are lighter.
At the start nowhere are all these
things more relevant. This is when you meet your true self. What kind of
character do I have? When you’re starting out, you don’t have all your weapons.
You don’t have all your skills. You don’t have the tenacity that comes with
familiarity. Everything else is like brand spanking new. Relearning what you forgot and readjusting with what you have, which isn't much.You only got one thing
to rely on: your personality.
When you are bare physically, your only reliance is that your personality will carry you over. The ease that comes with
having bigger, well used body is nonexistent here. The calm demeanor from muscular
discernment of long hard workouts isn’t there either. Not only do I have to face
the physical manifestation of pain, one has to contend with the evil of the psyche.
Temptations are so hard to block. Brave face is so hard to put on. You can’t
sugarcoat the long and tough road ahead.
I still have a long way out of this
night. But I gotta tell you, despite how much I hate this part I have to say that
this is the part the count the most. I have to relish my time in the mud.
Learn and relearn what it has to teach me about determination. Suck up all the juices of
pain that’s only existent in the first few steps. To stop making excuses. Use the frustration to build my empire once again brick by every brick. Easier said than done. We’ll see
right? Nothing more motivational than doing something someone says you couldn’t
do; esp. if that person is yourself.
See you in the grind.
McLovin’ out.
