Leg Day

Leg Day

24 Febrero 2014 1100

“They start off as steel. End up shaky as jello.” D. “The Rock” Johnson

Things I hate and like about working the lower body…

     1.       You can’t hide it. So most upper body workouts after you’re done giving it a beating, you can walk it off like it’s normal. As tough or intense a beating you can give to your pecs, arms, your back, or your abs, really you can pretend you just had a massage. Not so much for legs. You come out of that gym all wobbly. If it’s not that same day or night, the next day for sure. Given of course your legs are something you use walking, standing and moving about more so than your other body parts it makes it quiet difficult to ‘hide’. Whether it's your quads, your bum, your hams, or your calves, these muscle groups will surely show how much you destroyed them afterwards. I mean try even just your pushing the gas pedals driving home from the gym. Calves are something I’ve obsessed about for years. Guaranteed within 18 hours of calf workout I’ll be walking like a little bitch. No matter how much or how often I put in, even if I stretch before or after, the calves are just so tight and so sensitive afterwards I walk like a goose…who’d been brutalized in the locker room.

2.       You can’t skip it. Whether you’re trying to lose weight or trying to gain weight, the muscles of the lower body are generally the biggest and strongest so it makes sense that you fortify it to burn as much calories or to add more total muscle. The butt (gluteus maximus) is the biggest muscle in the body and the soleus (under the calf) is one the strongest muscle. Physiologically because we, as a specie that stand vertically, we depend on it to stand straight (to hold up all that weight of the upper body) and to walk or run upright. A lot of people, and there’s nothing wrong with it, tend to workout first and foremost for looks. However a lot of the priorities tend to be a little off. They’re looking and focusing on body parts that they think are going to be more visible (several studies and statistics show that men prefer having bigger arms or chest, and that women, when looking for attractive males, tend to focus on the abs or chest---which shows why a lot of men tend to focus on the upper body) to others. All that vanity made them forget to hit their lower bodies. But you can’t skip it. Unless you want to look disproportional or imbalanced performance wise. Now I don’t do leg days the way I use to. Before I use to do legs once or twice a week, but I focused on an all leg workouts. Those days were shock days because I funnel all that work in one day. Nowadays I do 1 upper body and 1 lower body alternates, that way I get maximum workout and rest (I don’t burn out and still pump better every other workout) on a day to day basis. But still yet, I give it priority to destroy these sticks every moment I’m allowed to.

3.       Stack it up. Your legs can generally stand more weight that your upper body (reason above). So when you’re doing legs you feel like a beast because you get to stack more weights than you usually would working on your upper body. The only caution about it is that people tend to use wrong forms after stacking more. They either cheat or do not maintain the integrity of the movement. Squatting is the number one example that people are doing wrong. An easy solution is to research safe and proper forms (or ask questions---a lot of guys in gyms are pretty cool), so that you don’t look like a dumbass or you’re setting yourself up for failure (by not working out right and by giving yourself a world of hurt with injuries). Rule No. 1: you shouldn’t try to be a hero aka that-stupid-guy-trying-to-lift-more-than-he-can-because-he thinks-he-can-and-will-make-him-look-cooler-and-tough. Don’t be that guy; know your limits. I’ve done this several times as noob years and years ago, it doesn’t make you look cool and it’s pretty embarrassing.

4.       Cross training. Now your legs/lower body are all purpose. Rarely is there a sport that require you to use only your torso and upper extremities. Almost all sports and all activities use the legs one form or another. For example, even runners, who are extremely light and bereft of extra weight, are recommended to weight train their legs from time to time. It gives them stability around the knees and calves. The short of it: work them things for all and any reason. Whether it’s dancing or walking around doing grocery shopping or even just standing around looking attractive (or hell, even sex), you'll need your legs and a well formed lower body to give you a decent performance and look.What you do on leg press machine may help you on the hill sprints and vice-verse.

5.       It’s brutal. Wonder why people talk about leg days so much? Because it’s brutal. Now all of us should put as much effort on all the body parts and all workouts, but lower body workout resounds with people because it’s tough (if you’re really putting that much effort into it). Think about it, after using it all day at work, then more for cardio, you’ll again make it lift heavy weights at the end of the day? And then expect that same muscle group to continue walking and performing the next day (unless you play to lay in bed all day)? Gimme a break! Leg day is tough and it should be (granted you’re not over-training and doing wrong the form/s). It should make your cringe and excitedly anticipate the pain at the same time. It'll make you feel alive...and scared sh!tless till next time around.

Hope to see you wobbling out there,

Mclovin’ out.

Relevant tunes:

ZZ Top- Legs

Zebrahead- With Legs Like That

R. Bingham- Beg For Broken Legs

Bachelor Problems

Bachelor Problems

08 Febrero 2014 2330

"Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives." H.L. Mencken

1.      1. Carpal tunnel syndrome. Yes, not ashamed to admit it. Not having a woman to regularly share my sheets with bugs me. No sexual healing for me at the end of a working day. I souped up my bedroom too, nice satin sheets (recommended by an ex-fling), queen memory foam, toppers, scented candles, computer loaded with plethora of lovemaking songs, ambient lights...but it's generally useless since there haven't been much action there lately. Like Lamborghini that haven't been driven for many many moons. Consolation: if you have some imagination, some lotion, and internet access you’d be closing the night with Megan, Monica, Mya…more than you fingers could count without feeling guilty or dirty.

2.       Too much time on your hands. Aside from aforementioned activity (pun intended), you find too much time to burn. Having a girl in your life drains so much of it, you miss how much time you don’t get to spend on your own. Waiting, and wasting time seem to be much more interesting as a group activity. Whether it’s waiting for them shopping, getting ready, picking food at restaurants, picking what restaurants to go to, listening to them get to the point of the conversation/story, and many others I won’t mention for sake of brevity, kinda miss missing out on things. Time is gold, but when you have too much of it, just like anything, it’s not as valuable. Time and gold are two things readily wasted by a girlfriend if you let 'em.

3.       Finding yourself talking to a bitch. By that I mean my dog. Now my dog is, in a lot of ways, much more interesting, smarter, and more rational than most people. She tells me when she wants to poop (to the point and no running around), when she’s hungry (no mind games to trick me into wanting to go to a restaurant you hate but she likes), and she’s happy as all hell when you get home. But as much as I love her, the back of my mind can’t help to think that I’m a little crazier every time I find myself talking to an animal, as she watch me cook spaghetti in the kitchen. Ranting about complexities of US Army standards of medical fitness policies and how much of my fellow veterans use, abuse, and misuse the system to get $$$. As great a listener Yukiko is, I kinda wish she could tell me to “Shut the fvck up” sometimes.

4.       No nagging motivation. Sometimes you need someone to put a blowtorch to your ass. When you have a woman in your life, whether it passive or active, there’s some form of impetus to do things. All of them end with exclamation points. Examples: “Clean your place yuck!” “My God your truck smells like sweat!” “I thought you were gonna hurry home so we can go together?!” “I remember when you had abs like that…!” When I have girlfriend I get stuff done. How? They hold stuff for ransom. If you don’t do a you don’t get b. Or if you do x you get y.* That puts a lot of things in the right priority. Like a comic once said “If a man could make love to a woman in cardboard box he wouldn’t buy a house.”

5.       No excuses.  The best alibis you could come up with to get out of things are relationship based. If you ask the commander if you could take a leave and he asks why, you could BS that your girlfriend’s father’s uncle’s sister died and there’s a funeral. Or, if you want to ditch the guys you tell them it's because she promised to give you a nuru massage. Your mom’s phone call, because gf’s having an anxiety attack and bawling her eyes out. Or that she’s got appendicitis and needs surgery. If you can’t think of a good one, girls are amazing fictionists and could help you cook one up. If you’re single no one seems to think that you have important things to do in comparison to when you’re married or have a family. I guess you’re just too selfish when you’re single. The other day, it was a snow day and the office let go all NCO’s that weren’t single. Guess who get to stay to finish the shift?

6.       Brokeback allegations. I never thought that I would have to prove my sexuality to the opposite sex. Traditionally when a guy shows masculinity he usually does it to trounce other dudes’ braggadocio. Like when two bucks fight. You just lift heavier, talk louder, do something crazier, fight better and guys usually are easily impressed---watch two men fight and shake hands a day later (they’ll still call you gay and slap your ass in the locker room though). When you beat another dude he's less likely to think you're gay (you can't admit you got beat up or outdone by a gay man---no offense to gays, but that's just men's egos). But women, even those you don’t want the attention of, you just can't impress. They seem to think you’re gay when you’re putting you best foot forward trying to find a good woman/serious relationship. So what is the orthodox way of finding a serious relationship? Well you do some of the following. You take a shower more often, check. You buy and wear clothes that fit you better, check. Clothes that make you look more intelligent, savvy and interesting, check. You go to places where you think you’ll find intelligent, savvy and interesting decent women (like the library, church, spiffy restaurants/coffee houses, gym, music festivals, art galleries, hiking trails, intramural sports teams---places where you would serendipitously find Meg Ryan in a movie), check. You watch what you say and try to be polite, check. But all that make you bat for the other team? Why is that? Sometimes it feels like they’re traumatized of bad experiences with other men that when someone is genuinely trying, they think it's too good to be true. Disclaimer: even at my best, it’s probably not all that great.

7.       Soft side. When you’re a bachelor you seem to have two groups of friends: your boys and everybody else (it's hard to have women friends). Guy friends, well, it’s hard to tell them serious matters. You can’t show them you’re vulnerable, and if you are/do the solution usually involves “getting some tail this weekend.” If you feel overwhelmed, that you just “drive through that mothafvcka.” I won’t lie, I’ve been that friend before. It’s hard to be serious with your homeboys; feel like you gotta be macho all the time. And everybody else are just too damn professional or they don’t care about what you have to say on a personal level. Kinda miss just not having to pretend you’re superman, that you actually have guilt, your frustrations. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it’s good to internalize your frustrations and use it for motivation (at the gym, or doing something productive). Yet other times, you just need to vent out and be yourself. Pull out your kryptonite and get a hug (even back hugs are great---boobs touching your back has tons of therapeutic effects) and patronizing attention.

8.       Temptation to prostitute yourself. Something I would never do is join a dating site. It’s just not for me. How the hell do you put a picture, say you like walking on the beach and cuddling Panda bears, and wait for a similarly desperate stranger living in your city pick you on pity line up search? Another thing I find silly are set ups and blind dates. You know your friends’ wife who loves setting up people who’s got a best friend who lives in Nebraska as a pharmacist who’s looking for a relationship because she’s 35 and her ovaries are wanting a refund so badly? They’re better than military recruiters, setting you up on bad dates and awkward situations. But the temptation to exhaust all your available options are always on the table.

9.       Going stag. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being single. I think that all the problems of being by a bachelor are yours and no one else’s business. But even when you want to enjoy it, people don’t seem to want you to forget the bad aspects of being a bachelor. It seems they want you to  be lonely and sad, and not forget it, when you aren’t. They make you do things like explain why you’re going stag in military balls, events, or just shopping. As if being alone means being lonely as well. Not going to lie, and you as a reader can probably tell by the voice of this post, that there are times when it's terribly lonesome to be by yourself. But most of the time, it ain't too bad and definitely not the worst thing in the world. Granted half of the women that tag along with your friends and colleagues are often times embarrassing themselves, there could be far worse things than spending your evenings unattached. Still though, you will be required inquiries why you’re single, why you’re attending without a partner or an excuse to validate your lack thereof---like you have to have reason for them to feel sorry for you (the more dramatic the better---you’re a divorcee, you’re a widower, you’ve lost Mandy Moore to stage 4 cancer and you can’t seem to find another girl like her).

10.   You find yourself writing a blog post on a Friday night before Valentines’ Day about being single. Nuff said.

Happy Valentines’ Day,

Sleepless in Colorado, out.

*List for categories

a: get your act right, clean up your mess, hurry up and get me, wait for me

b: get any

x: play your cards right, fix my car, if you put up with my drama, shut up and take care of business

y: get some, a pat in the back, moratorium from nagging 

Relevant tunes:

Jay-Z- I Got 99 Problems

Sugarcult-Do It Alone

K. West- Runaway

Road Raging Against The Machine

Road Ragin’ Against the Machine

17 Enero 2014 1530

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” Attributed to A. Einstein

                 

     According to statistics, an average American spends 37 miles and 101 minutes of each day on the road driving. That’s a whole lot of time spending on an activity considered the 7^th deadliest, most dangerous and VERY PREVENTABLE cause of death in the US. It’s listed as higher than fatalities caused by gun violence. So if you think about it, you spend an average of 40 miles and an hour and half a day dodging death. Death that may come from huge hunks of metal and plastic weighing tons traveling far faster than human ability on asphalt, driven by strangers who often aren’t the brightest human beings. So driving around, it’s hard not to spot reasons to get pissed off about and be scared of idiots on the road. Idiots who hold your life in their hands.  

                So instead of fuming while I’m driving, I’m writing down a short rant of the things that drive me insane about fellow motorists. Let me rage on paper and not on the road. 

1. Texting and driving. Cellphones have brought a lot of good in this world, but also a lot of bad. Technology on their own aren’t bad or create the bad things we attribute to them. It’s us who use them that determines that. It was bad enough when cellphones were first used while driving, taking attention off the road and disabling one arm off the wheel, but when texting came out, it added to the lethality of using cellphones while driving (23% of all car crashes involve cellphone distractions). These morons would not only lose their attention, but completely take their eyes off the road and sometimes both hands off the wheel so they could text or hell even use their smartphones or apps (1/5 surf the web while driving)! You can easily spot them, swerving every few seconds (according to data, average text and driver spend 10% of driving outside of their lane) and when you pass them you can completely see that they have both hands off the wheel. And I often hear on the media that its teenagers doing it (granted texting is fairly new and therefore a huge part of this generation’s habits than the last), but I often see adults do it as well (23% of adults text and drive). Not just any adults, I’ve seen soldiers and government workers (your DoD tags and or government plates aren’t hard to spot, dumbass) who are supposed to be America’s best.

     According to statistics, 77% of teenage drivers think that not only texting and driving ain’t bad, but that they can do it without causing accidents. 55% of young adults felt similarly. Imagine: more than a majority of young people (who are inexperienced with driving to begin with) think that they can do this on the road. And this is after the fact that 90% of America have laws against texting and driving. Still happening though.  If I could knee each of these people on the road I would, but in reality this is the job of parents. I don’t care for your children, I don’t. They could crash and burn for all I care. But fact of the matter is when they crash they usually involve others. So if you can’t do it, well maybe the laws should change that if your child injure another person you should be jailed in their stead. 
    

          2. Riding my ass. Why do these motherf@*(%&$ drive so close behind other people? Is it because they like seeing my bumper? I know I got a lot of junk in my trunk but can’t they admire it from a distance? Are they just touchy-feely? What if I slam my brakes and see if we can get closer together huh? As far as I’m concerned and was taught by my pops and by driving course I’ve taken, safe distance is a good two car lengths away so if you’re riding closer, make sure you have good brakes. And a non- brittle jaw, because if ever you hit me, I’ll pop you with an uppercut.

 3. Bass droppers. Not gonna lie, when I was younger I thought that having an expensive sound system and blasting rap music while driving was cool too. That’s when I was 17 and outgrew it very quickly. Realized that nothing spells ‘douchebag’ more than that. It’s funny and sad that I see adults do it today. Do I really want to hear your music? I mean I appreciate your kindness for sharing (even if I can’t understand it anyway), but I’d appreciate it more if you would save my eardrums instead. In your retarded and immature mind, it may seem like your coolness level just went up when your turned your volume dial way up (even if it already makes you a tool since your sound system cost 2 grand and your car only 500 bucks) but it didn’t. And no it doesn’t drop panties like in hip-hop music videos. The only thing it may drop are people’s perception of your IQ level and the chances of you not wearing hearing aids when you get older.

           4. Speed demons and slowpokes. Part of intelligence is having the cognizance when to do things. There are times when you should speed up and times when you ought to slow down. But there are people who can't make that distinction. Obviously on freeways with ideal traffic and weather conditions, it’s not bad to increase your speed. But not so much that you are driving way too dangerously and recklessly. Speed is one the biggest determinant of fatality as it multiplies the chances of death or severe injuries exponentially as it increases. Its simple physics: momentum equals mass times velocity. In laymen’s, the faster you go the more force you’re going to put on your body when you collide. So homie, if you think you’re a racer go ahead and let your pent up sexual frustrations and ego problems on the racetrack, where only you will die in case of an accident. And no one would have to suffer hours-long delays because your splatter-y death had backed up traffic for miles when ambulances and firefighters had to extract your mangled body by blocking all but one lane. Speed doesn’t make your penis any bigger, and if you think it’ll get you there faster a lot of times it may not. It may get you to your grave faster, but if it's going to cost me time and perhaps my own well-being, I’d rather you not.

      And then there are the friggin' slowpokes who can’t seem to understand that snail speeds also contribute A LOT to accidents and traffic slowdowns. If you can’t drive on the speed limit on perfect conditions, then grandpa get the hell off the road. Pick a route more convenient for your speed preferences because you’re creating a backlog of people with more important things to do with their lives. Or, if you can’t hack it at least drive on the slow lane pops. It pains me to see that Mustang being driven like it’s an Amish horse carriage, it's crime against nature. Ah retirement money. Wasted on the aged.
     And if you’re going to be either, do so but don’t do both. I hate slinky drivers worst. On a perfect straightaway they’ll drive fast then slow down and when you try to overtake them, they'll drive fast again.  Are your legs having convulsions because even on an automatic shifter you’re speed is springing back and forth for no goddamned reason? Let’s not play tag because you won’t like it when I catch up to you.

         5. Rubberneckers.  I’m sure voyeurism is a common human behavior. But you would think that humans would have better common sense not to practice it while driving. You’re driving on the road and suddenly you spot emergency vehicles with flashing lights obviously assessing and fixing traffic accident/s. Sucks for those lanes bound that direction right because they’d be delayed (even more so for the poor sap involved in the collision/accident)? But why is our lane, four lanes away and divided by concrete barriers going the opposite way, also slowed down? Because morons are making the tragic event into reality TV entertainment by staring and trying to find out details about someone’s bad day. Not only is it not safe (distracting) but also cost motorists money because of the delays. It’s a sad waste of brake pads. Keep to your own business and stop wasting my life. If you want to watch and waste your own time, why don’t you pull over and use binoculars. If you still have a problem with turning your neck after that, I’d gladly help you snap it.

    So folks that is my short list of things that I road rage about on a daily basis. It’s not finished and I may add another list later. I’m getting too old for some of these shenanigans, so if you find yourself doing this, pray I don’t catch you because you’d hear it for sure. Also pardon my Spanish, but I’d rather use writing as a means of anger management than using expletives and violence in real life. So what are your road concerns and what irk you the most about fellow motorists? Do share. Be safe and drive safely.

Your public service announcement for the day,

McLovin’ out.

Relevant tunes: 

T. McGraw- Highway Don’t Care

Ludacris- Move Bitch

Deep Purple- Highway Star