Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Pt. 2



I Know We're Cool Pt. 2
2014 Enero 01 1300

Barbier's Fireworks in Venice


"Resentment is one burden that is incompatible with your success. Always be the first to forgive; and forgive yourself first always." D. Zadra


 6. Don’t sweat the small stuff
                Life is short. We only live once. So we can either nitpick everything or stop bothering with things that shouldn’t matter. I learned the latter. You are an adult, you ought to have rationality to know what you include and what not to include in your life. Filter what’s good and stop sweating the small things. Yes every little thing counts as I said before, but you ought to know how to deal with things that only cause you negativity. All our relationships are going to be flawed. There’s no one perfect and therefore there’s no relationship that’s going to be flawless. Every single moment, every single relationship and every single person (including us) have imperfections so don’t expect not to find faults.
                Relationships are full of little things that aren’t so great. Maybe you dislike a certain physical feature, maybe you’re bothered by her mannerisms, maybe you miss certain things about being single and maybe there are topics and beliefs you don’t share. The only real thing I learned is that I can do is either accept it or let it go. If something bothers me that much, I can either deal with it (fix the problem) and if the problem can’t be fixed, then I can accept it for what it is or leave the relationship. If you find that relationship is worthwhile, then accept that it’s a small bump in an otherwise great thing going. If you’re a penny short of a dollar, you still got ninety nine cents. And that’s 99 times better than a penny.

7. Words matter
                Sticks and stones break bones, but words said are remembered forever. That’s my take on it now. We say words are just words, but in reality people take words seriously. It’s good to be honest and open, but there are times when one should learn to shut the hell up. Word crafting isn’t my best quality. I have a slight talking disability wherein I don’t have a filter nor a brake for my mouth. I say things without thinking what it could imply. And that’s something I need to learn to control. And I’m sure that’s just not me; a lot of guys let words fly because they feel they ought to say something. As the saying goes “wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.” People may not say anything back, but when you let words out, people may take it to heart. We can’t always say the perfect words (see above #6) but one can definitely at least stream what and how we say things. There’s a fine line between constructive and destructive criticisms. I also disagree with “don’t say anything if you have nothing good to say.” ‘Good’ is such a subjective term and there are times when you have to say something ‘bad’ or simply not ‘good’ things (see having cojones) because it's the truth.  However, we should think through what we’re saying if it is ‘important’ enough for the context we’re allowing them come out of our mouths. If your words will result in something being more hurtful than useful, then reconsider changing how you express it.

8. Work to live not the other way around
                Money can make a lot of things go ‘round but it shouldn’t rule you relationship. When we live to work, our lives revolve around money and our jobs. Then all the people in our lives take second priority. I remember when I lived to work I forgot the things that matter to me the most. I remember there was a time when I didn’t have anything to count, but I was happier just being around her that made me smile. Then I had a job, I had full time school on top of that, and I forgot why I’m doing these things in the first place (to be happy and to make her happy). It’s better to have less zeroes in your bank account when you still enjoy life. That you enjoy the things you can’t put a price tag on. That’s peace of mind and the people that’s waiting for you at the end of the shift.
                There’s also more to life than a career, and having and pursuing one doesn’t mean to exclude the rest of your A Team. Journey, even the difficult ones, could be more enjoyable with people that help you through it, and remind you why you want to achieve that you work so hard for. They put you back to reality. There are a lot of people who continue love and live while still searching for their dream jobs. Find a way to mitigate it (meet them halfway).

9. Past is past
                It’s nice to know where someone came from, but don’t expect their past to align with what you wanted it to be. Who the hell am I to be pissed about her past? Exactly, nobody. I have no right to judge her for things she may or may not have done. I have no right to own her past, which she cannot change. If a woman is important to you now, that’s what should matter.  Not what she did when she didn’t know you. And no you cannot forgive her for anything…because she doesn’t owe you anything. Not for apologies nor explanations.We should stop believing as men that we have the right to her universe and to account for every single moment of her life leading up to us meeting her.
                Possessiveness is a trait that many of us have. As humans, when we fall in love we are engulfed with ‘owning’ that person that we are so hurt when we find out that we aren’t part of many happy moments in their lives. I say love them for who they are now, and not what they may have been. One should appreciate what we have and not what we can never. There are no time machines and you’re not a scientist. If you cannot bear what old times were like for your significant other, then stop wasting your time and hers. Deal with it or get out of the way. I learned not to even ask them for things I may not like to hear, because why sweat the small stuff? If you got the jackpot right there and you're currently happy that’s what ought to matter. Make your own memories.

10. Intimacy
                Now I’m not going to bother about your stance on marriage and sex, I’m not here to judge. Whatever is good for you is good for you. In either case, I believe that intimacy is important. Intimacy isn’t just sex, it’s more than that. It’s the emotions you release when you do things. It’s the smile you give when she gives you something amazing. It’s the hug you get when you come home, or the rub on the shoulder when you’re sad. Intimacy is important and you have to make time for it even if it’s just a short text message when you’re gone. The smiley face at the end of an email paint so much more about how you feel than any word you type.
                As for sex, enjoy it. Make time for it, And like someone said “do it like you’re doing it for TV.” Joke. But the sentiment is similar, put effort on it. Make it fun, make it interesting and make it amazing. If you think you landed the best thing that ever happened to you, why stop short of spending the close doors like it isn’t even better than that? I think there are a few things in creation shared by couples better than intimacy, why the heck not enjoy every single instance and put your best performance ever every time? Love life sure isn’t just about sex, but sex sure makes it a lot colorful.

                So there you go, that’s my “what I learned list”. I hope I didn’t bore you too much. These are the things I want to work on my new year and the Providence bless me on that. I know you already know what I blabbered about, but I hope I gave you a little more insight. I hope you greet the new year with the same enthusiasm. Forgive others, forgive yourself and embrace a new dawn. We ain't getting any younger and to treat tomorrow as is if was yesterday is a huge waste of our precious and short lives. 
                 As for my old flame if you’re reading this, I thank you very much for all the things EVER that I experienced from you. The good times and the bad times, everything. There’s not one second I didn’t learn from you and I will always remember the happier days (I can't thank you enough for the great times and amazing memories! And thank you for allowing me to write about you.) I know it took me this long to honestly say I am happy for the decisions I had made. You had shaped me to be the man I am now and the man I will be in the future. And for things I didn’t do and things I put you through, I am asking forgiveness. If we see each other in the upcoming year, if not the years to come, I can honestly say the last sentiments you expressed: I know we’re cool.  We’re cool.

May all of you have prosperous 2014.

Mclovin’ out.
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