14 Marzo 2014 1200
So I wrote this list a while ago when I broke up with
someone. I wasn’t going to post it but I have nothing grilling in the back
burner at the moment so…Obviously its updated to include newer stuff and wider genre. I just thought it’s interesting, but don’t want to make
people think I just got dumped recently.
A psychiatrist, Dr. Kubler-Ross
popularized the phases of grieving in a model named after her. These 5 steps
range from denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Not
all people go through the stages in order nor do they all go through some at
all. The stages were originally written about how people dealt with
death/dying, but pretty much applied with how people deal with any form of loss
today. One kind of loss is that of relationship meltdown.
They say songs make you feel better as you cope with stress,
so hopefully these songs get you through whatever journey you are in this
roller coaster.
Songs for the 5 Stages of Breakup Grief For Men
1. Denial. The first stage of grief. We don’t want to come
to terms with reality because reality is hard to face. Or we don’t want to
believe facts because we’ve invested so much into these feelings, peoples and
ideas that we aren’t willing to put the minute details onto a bigger picture.
It’s the undying optimist in all of us.
M. Winans- I Don’t
Want To Know. Suspicions, suspicions. Keep it on the D.L. Sweep it under
the rug, because that solves all problems right?
“I don't wanna know/if you're playin' me, keep it on the
low/Cause my heart can't take it anymore.”
Bonjovi- Lie to Me.
Jon Bon Jovi invested everything on this chick, and he didn’t want to admit it
his whole world was false.
“If you don't love me, lie to me/'Cause baby you're the one
thing I believe…”
B. Marley- Waiting In
Vain. When Tuff Gong wrote this song, the book “She’s Just Not That Into
You” has not come out yet. Friendzone wasn’t popular yet. He’s torn between not
wanting to wait for scraps, but he’s just that patient.
“It's been three years since I'm knockin' on your door,/And
I still can knock some more:
Ooh girl, ooh girl, is it feasible?/I wanna know now, for I
to knock some more.”
Hootie and Blowfish-
Let Her Cry. Darius writes a song about his past relationship but swap the
role, instead of him being dumped by choosing self-destructive and selfish
paths, he wrote it from the point of view of the long suffering fella who
finally had enough.
“Saying maybe I’ll be back some day/I wanted to look for you
You walked in I didn’t know just what to do/so I sat back
down had a beer and felt sorry for myself.”
S. Cook- Nothing Can
Change This Love For You. Now some Sam is the king of old school RnB, I got
nothing on the man. However this song is about how stubborn some people are
about break ups. He clings on the idea that this person is irreplaceable and
that when she comes back she’ll pick right back up? Let’s get real. But let’s
give him credit for determination.
“Make me weep/And you can make me cry
See me coming/And you can pass me by
But honey, nothing, nothing can ever change this love I have
for you.”
2. Anger. After
finally seeing things for what they are, one of the first things that may come
is anger. The pang of truth resonates to the core and wants vengeance and or
reciprocation...even if they are just a few words thrown in spite. As a man,
nothing hurts more than a blast to your ego so a lot of times we lash back with
extreme violence.
Cee Lo Green- Fuck You.
Cee Lo telling the world how he feels when a gold-digger left him for greener
pastures. This is what he feels when he sees her and her new guy around town.
“And although there's pain in my chest/I still wish you the
best/with a...’FUCK YOU!’”
Eamon- Fuck It, I
Don’t Want You Back. So finally figured out she was giving him head and how
much he really hates being stabbed in the back. This is him regretting and
recanting all the things he did to show his love for her.
“Now it's, over, but I do admit I'm sad/It hurts real bad, I
can't sweat that, cause I loved a hoe.”
Blink182- Dammit.
This mid-90’s teen punk shows angst about the cycle of loving and breaking up
like most young folks/punks do and maturing with repetition along the way.
“But everybody's gone/And I've been here for too long
To face this on my own/Well I guess this is growing up.”
Eminem- Kim. Like
many of Marshall’s songs this is about his real life emotionally charged
relationships. Most of his songs that are intensely dramatic, weirdly enough, are about women: his ex wife, his mother and his daughter. 'Kim' is a song about his estranged wife. The ‘song’ is pretty
much Eminem doing a one-man skit about a fight that that ends with him
murdering her and ridding her body. To sum it up: if I can’t have you, no one
will. If you hadn’t thought Eminem have mental problems already, this is the song that
will convince you. If you're homicidal this is the song for you.
“So long, bitch you
did me so wrong/I don't wanna go on, living in this world without you.”
3. Bargaining. Maybe
you’re still mad but you still think with the last vestiges of hope that you
could do something about it. To change the course of this avalanche of events
that are out of your hands. Regret and wishing for a time machine is a common
theme. If becomes word of the day. You concoct grand elaborate plans in your
head that you know are forlorn hope, but construct them anyway. Sometimes you
may blame yourself and even start to ask for forgiveness…anything to change
your luck.
Bruno Mars- If I Was
Your Man. Mr. Mars want to turn back the clock and do all the things he
should’ve done when he had the opportunity to.
“Too young, too dumb to realize/That I should've bought you
flowers/and held your hand/should’ve gave you all my hours/When I had the
chance.”
J. Legend- This Time.
Johnny boy figured out afterwards that, dammit, now he really wants to commit.
He’s asking for a retest.
“Last time I wasn't sure/This time I will give you more/I'm
more than sure/I'll show you
Last time I didn't know/I messed up when I let you go/I need
you don't say no.”
A. Hamilton- Charlene.
My favorite modern soul RnB singer acknowledged that sometimes love and dreams
don’t always come together as planned. He is reminded that the reason why he
goes out to make that money is because of the people that wait for him at the
end of the shift. Now he’s blaming himself for not seeing the signs in
hindsight.
“She needs someone at night that she can hold/She must have
told me a thousand times before/
Silent cries I use to ignore/God knows I love her/didn’t
mean to hurt her.”
Coldplay- The
Scientist. The band’s most popular song urge feelings of wishing to go back
in time and correct the predicament of their parting. The title relates to the
lyrics of wanting to find out the reasons and causes of these events so he can
undo it. Sadly there are no time machines and he is no scientist.
“I was just guessing at numbers and figures/Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science; science and progress/Do not speak as
loud as my heart.”
B. Manilow- Mandy.
Barry has accidentally let go of Mandy and now he can’t help feeling of utmost
regret. The selfless girl came without taking, yet he sent her packing anyway.
Barry thinks calling out her name over and over will cause her to come back for
some reason.
“I never realized/How happy you made me, oh Mandy
Well you came and you gave without taking/And I sent you
away, oh Mandy
And you kissed me and stopped me from shaking/And I need you
today, oh Mandy.”
4. Depression. So
now you’ve accepted fully that you can’t make a U-turn and it’s too late, so
you just dwell on sadness because that’s the stinging feeling of losing
something you would like to have. Sometimes all the stages run through in a
dizzying fury all in quick succession, but you realize in the end, this is
where your gas tank gets you at the end of the day and nowhere else.
Kid Cudi. All Along.
The song is about the symptoms of what clinically depress people do: stop caring,
stop cleaning, low self-esteem, and believe that they deserved to be alone. Kid
Cudi’s ego started as a lion and ended up in the gutter.
“When the months change so do my love point of views
I don't want what I need, what I need hates me/what I need
hates me.”
UB40 (version)- Red,
Red Wine. So Neil Diamond originally wrote this song, in appreciation of
how he became friends with something that make him forget, even if it’s just
temporarily, how crappy it is being dumped.
“I'd have thought/That with time
Thoughts of her/would leave my head
I was wrong/and I find just one thing makes me forget”
Lynyrd Skynyrd-
Tuesday’s Gone. No one ever thought that losing the crappiest day of the
week would be such a void. But Tuesday is a metaphor for losing something
that’s been a part of one’s life but one may or may not have realized.
“Tuesday's gone with the wind. My woman's gone with the wind.”
Jay-Z-Song Cry.
Men can’t and won’t accept crying over spilled milk at least in public. Even
more so wouldn’t Alpha males. Jay-Z wants us to think he’s that badass. He’s
sad over the ending of a marriage, but he’s so tough only Chuck Norris could make
tears come out his eye and the next more probable thing that he could do is
make a song cry.
“I can't see 'em coming down my eyes/So I gotta make the
song cry.”
Frankie J.-How To
Deal. Frankie is between a rock and hard place: career or woman. His choice
got him depressed and thinking whether his pick is the right one.
“It's something that I had to do/But nobody said that it
would hurt so bad/So how do I live...how do I deal without you.”
5. Acceptance.
It’s the last stage of grieving. This is where one fully acknowledges the end
and despite having perhaps still hard feelings, is starting to heal and bury
where things need to buried and move on.
E. Clapton- Promises.
Probably one of the lesser known song of one of the best guitar player in the world (and featuring one of the lesser known greats, Marcella Levy),
Clapton talks about one of his earlier marriages where he accepted that their
vows are over and that’s just how it goes.
“I got a problem can you relate/I got a woman callin' love
hate
We made a vow we'd always be friends/how could we know that
promises end.”
Eagles- Best of My
Love. One of the soft melodic from the 80’s you would expect from these classic rockers. Song’s about accepting a long and tiring process that
though may not have gone their way concede that love is love even if it’s not
wrapped in a relationship. It’s about giving it your best.
“You see it your way, I see it my way. /We both see it
slippin’ away.
You know we always had each other baby/I guess that wasn't
enough
Oh, but here in my heart/I give you the best of my love/Oh,
sweet darlin'…”
Guns N’ Roses-
Estranged. Heavily riffed, but not as hard as most of their songs. Song of
accepting the estrangement of someone he hold as everything and knowing he must
move on despite how hard it would be.
“I'll never find anyone to replace you/ Guess I'll have to
make it thru, this time.
Oh this time/without
you.”
Kings of Convenience
(Royskopp Remix). I Don’t Know Where I Can Save You From. So she left him
years ago, she comes back lonely and wanting him to save her from her
predicament. Pretty much told her, b!tch you left a long time ago, I don’t know
what you expect from me. Smart man: don’t tolerate boomerang effect. If it shat
on you on the way out, don’t expect it to comeback clean. Epitome of what I think about second chances.
“I realized that the
one you were before,/had changed into somebody for whom
I wouldn't mind to put the kettle on./Still I don't know
what I can save you from.”
Bon Iver- Beth/Rest.
I love Bon Iver, solo or as a band (and it takes a manly man to accept that in
public). The lyrics nor the titles make no goddamned sense (ever, or at least
on the 2nd album), but I’m left to believe this song from, patchy
lyrics, is 80’s throwback to finally creating a joy of the separation of two
people. I didn’t smoke weed, so if you did, you may have gotten the lyrics
better than I.
“Aren't we married?! I ain't living in the dark no more
it's not a promise, I'm just gonna call it heavy mitted love
our love is a star/sure some hazardry
for the light before and after most indefinitely/danger has
been stole away”
Cavo- Let It Go. A
repetitive song of a man persuading himself to do the right thing: let it go.
Let’s follow their advice.
“Fade it out into the light/All these years we never get it
right/I need to let it go.”
It’s good to laugh at our sad moments in life, so the next
time you feel stupid going through it, you can always say in the future “I’d be
laughing at myself about this someday…” And you will be. It sucks having
withdrawals about your ex, but hey times like these set you up for a better
relationships. If you learn from your mistakes. If you’re going through it now,
good luck and someday you’ll be so embarrassed how sappy you were on this day.
All we can do it is live our lives and enjoy the music. Aloha and hana hou!
I love you long time,
McLovin’ out.
Relevant tunes:
G. Isaacs- If I Don’t Have You
P. Segel- Dracula’s Lament (From Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
Queen Liliuokalani- Aloha O’e
J. Johnson- Better Together
K. West- Heartless
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