Clusterfunk

Clusterfunk
19 Marzo 2014 1700

"Vulgarity is like a fine wine: it should only be uncorked on a special occasion, and then only shared with the right group of people." J. Rozoff

Being a joe isn't necessarily the most praise worthy job out there. Despite the nobility of what government service is or maybe, there always are people who think that being a service member meant you're a dependent  of government dough or that you have such a lowly job because you're not too bright. I personally don't care, I'll never change minds; military life and culture is always unique to me and that's all that matters. Going back to perceptions,  first thing people notice when you're not intelligent or perceive you as not too intelligent is your language. I guess whether you are or not, there is a tendency for people to judge your linguistic skills based on your IQ. Word craft, at least initially, is often attributed to how well developed your mind maybe. Military speech, nor culture in general, has never been considered refined by any stretch. Either because of the history of the job, or the simple the reality that military language was never meant for finesse. Military ways had always been engineered with a purpose and at least, with greatest intent, for efficiency (I say intent because a lot of things in the military aren't efficient at all). Short, sweet, and to the point. The language is created for the lowest common denominator (and some just to make sure) and and poised to be direct (in order to avoid confusion and shorten observation time)
  I find vocabulary we use interesting and worth sharing for those who may want to know or simply have no exposure to 'military speak'. If we look at history, military lingo had often been the carrier of new languages and terms. Many Romance languages and words today (ie Latin-based language such as French, Spanish, Portuguese) are heavily influenced by military-terms and word usage once proliferated by Roman soldiers as they fought across the world. Example are the words 'caballo' 'cavalry' 'chevalier' all has roots to caballus, a Vulgar (colloquial, simple, common tongue spoken by the masses especially soldiers) Latin for horse. It's different from traditional and literary (official and proper) Latin word for horse, equus, where the word equestrian comes from. The term itself might have been borrowed from a Celtic origin, since many Celts were employed by Romans as cavalryman to support their military campaigns. Note that the root word of this, and many other, words in many languages today came from 'common' speak, often considered 'lowly' initially. 
  There are many terms crossing over to mainstream language today and also to the vocabularies of locals where lands are campaigned on by the military. Being of Filipino descent, I can attest that the term 'boondocks' probably came from US soldiers borrowing the Tagalog word for mountain, where in early years of the war and occupation many fighters might have fled towards to continue guerrilla warfare. At first such words maybe considered isolated (only use by the military) or at best colloquial (slang), but over time these words, just like many Romantic words in the past, become legitimized and mainstream. Besides words being brought back, there are terms also being supplied to the other such as the many American slangs used in the Philippines. American English spoken by young, working class American servicemen and women proliferates all over the world where US troops are stationed. The military has a plethora of terms created and use for many specific functions. I can't speak for other services but this post is about favorite terms, words and phrases that I learned through my  years of service in the Army.

1. Blue Falcon- n. Hollywood (non-NATO standard phonetic) call signifier that stands for the letters b (bravo) and f (foxtrot)---thus aka bravo fox. Blue falcon is another term for “buddy fcker”, which is a slang meaning someone who ‘screws over’ his friend, his ally, or anyone that should be on the same side of the fight as he/she. Blue falcon can also mean ‘selfish’. In a community where team building and team work is important, someone who acts for selfish gains which usually results to something negative for someone else in uniform is said to be a blue falcon.

Other: blue falcon-ed, -ing (v., trans v.), -ish (adj.), -s (pl. n.)

Use: “I watched over sensitive items and gave my gunner twenty bucks so at least one of us can enjoy lunch away from the barracks. He used my money, took his time eating, didn’t buy me any chow and told me 'tough luck' upon return. He is a blue falcon and will get his just desserts sooner or later.”

2. Soup-sandwich- n. something that is ‘ate-up’ which itself is a slang word meaning ‘something terribly messy’ ‘broken’ 'terribly uncoordinated' 'in disarray' etc. One of the many food terminologies in the Army/military that describes something that is unsatisfactory. Conveys feeling of being chewed, swallowed and spat out. Etymology: "You can't make a soup out of a sandwich nor a sandwich out of soup" from old platoon sergeant. Archaic: FUBAR. A polite version of ‘clusterfck.’ Best followed by the phrase: "tore up from the floor up" ('state of disrepair from head to toe' or 'completely wrong in every angle')

Other: soup-sandwhich-y (adj.)

Use: “Our new lieutenant is a nice gal, but at 0630 she’s a soup-sandwich. Her hair is unkempt, PT shorts are backwards, PT belt is missing, socks are not in regulation and garbles commands as if she's an intoxicated Mary Poppins.”

3. Handjam- v. to write manually.

Other: handjam-med, -ming (v., trans v.)

“The printer ran out of ink and the supply NCO is away for TDY…I had to do my request the old fashioned way by handjamming the letter.”

4. Sham-shield- n. the act of hiding behind one's inferior rank to appear innocent or incompetent. Often used with the intent to pass over punishment or obligation. Usually used specifically and specially (pun unintended) for the rank of Specialist/E4. Etymology: sham (charade) + shield (barrier). The rank of E4 is the highest rank and pay in the junior enlisted ranks. They are given generally more privilege than privates without the expected obligations of NCO's (corporals and up). The term is derived form the rank insignia's shield-like shape.

Other: shamshield-ed, ing (v., trans v.), -s (pl.)

Use: "The two medics in charge of checking the water buffalo for drinkability successfully used their sham shields after they got reprimanded for pouring too much bleach in the water that it washed off the Colonel's new uniform."

5. Civvy n. a. a civilian. b. civilian clothing or non-duty wear/clothes.

Other: civvies (pl. n.)

Use: "Have you seen Sgt. Alvarez when she's in her civvies? Damn I couldn't tell who she was at first glance."

6. Charlie Mike-n., v. terminology that stands for NATO standard phonetics 'c' and 'm', which is the acronym for 'continue (the) mission.' In an institution that always puts fulfilling 'the mission' as the top priority, 'continuing' it is very important.

Other: Charlie mike-d (v.)

Use: "Road Y was heavily mined by the hajji's. Scouts are reconning alternate routes so that we can charlie mike."

7. FRAGO- n. short for 'fragmentary/-ation order' which are small changes in opord (operations order), or orders given after the initial opord to 'revise' the plan or details of the previous operations order. Generally means 'change of plan/s.' Also spelled fraggo, FRAG/O. Not to be confused with 'fragging' (to throw fragmentation grenades, use explosives).

Other: fraggo-ed (v., trans v.)

"The convoy commander fragoed the SP time 3 times in the last hour. Departure went from 08, to 0830 and lastly to 0930. What the hell is he thinking? We need to get the hell out of here ASAP."

8. Zero-dark, Zero-dark Thirty (in the morning) n. colloquial term for any time really early in the morning before sunlight/break of dawn. Etymology: from 24 hour military time (where for example one o'clock AM is called zero one hundred hours).

Other: oh dark thirty (n.)

"Our First Sergeant hates his wife dearly so he wakes us up at zero dark thirty, the earliest possible he can leave his house, to do some PT."

9. Woobie n. a poncho liner, an issued item used in the field similar to a blanket, found or issued with other cold/wet weather gear. Used in tandem for a poncho to create a small roof or a temporary shelter. Etymology: taken from American slang 'wubby' or a child's safety/comfort blanket.

Other: woobie-s (pl. n.)

Use: "After pulling out his woobie from the bottom of his duffel bag, the grunt was overjoyed. I heard him say 'Now it feels like the Four Seasons up in here' as he was setting up his hasty."

10. Fobbit- n. a soldier who's job or position allows him to mainly work inside a FOB/COB or 'behind/inside the wire' and rarely or never out the fence or the front line (patrols, convoys, ambush, QRF) usually a personnel with a 'desk job'. Archaic (pre-Iraqi Freedom): REMF (acronym: rear-echelon motherfcker). Etymology: FOB (forward observation base) + hobbit (JRR Tolkien's fictional creatures; mild mannered Halflings).

Other: Fobbit-s (pl. n.)

Use: "4th Platoon came back tired after 3 days in the bush, only to find out the Fobbits complaining about their morning's choppy internet access and cold coffee."

11. Klick- n. the length of one side of a military map's grid square or 1 km/.62 miles. Etymology: kilometer + click (a notch in compass for artillery targeting measurement, since as story goes term originated from measurement of targeting during 50's-60's or sometime around the Vietnam War---anecdotal evidence)

Other: klick-s (pl. n.)

Use: "We had a very memorable late afternoon workout carrying our casualty on a litter when our incompetent radio operator called MEDEVAC a klick west of our position."

12. Pop-smoke- v. the act of departing, usually with haste. Etymology: when hailing a helicopter for MEDEVAC or exfiltration, the protocol is to use 'signals' to notify aircrew where to land (LZ or landing zone) or mark where intended pick up or present location of those meaning to be evacuated. Since a smoke grenade is often used, the term is associated for being extricated or departing quickly. pop (to uncork, to let out, to pull out pin out of a grenade) + smoke (gas signal, smoke grenade)

Other: popp-ed smoke, -ing (v., trans v.)

Use: "Thank goodness we popped smoke out of there right after 2nd Batt guys went it. My roommate stayed and he's now getting an Article 15 for being involved in a fight that broke soon afterwards."

13. Bolo- v. to fail at a certain task. Etymology: from Filipino-American War when insurgents would use machetes (called bolos) to fight and at times kill US soldiers.

Other: bolo-ed, -ing (v., trans v.)

Use: "The chaplain's assistant drank too much the night before and boloed the PT test run which took place first thing the next morning."

14. NOGO- adj. having failed specific qualifications, being a failure at a certain task. Etymology: no (negative: do not, cannot, should not) + go (to advance). Also spelled: no-go, no go, NG.

Other: a nogo (n.), -es, s (pl. n.), nogo-ed (v.)

Use: "These two are no-gos, sir. The first has a profile after a leg accident, the latter one pissed hot on the drug test."

15. FNG-n. acronym for 'the fcking new guy'. Not pronounced with NATO or Hollywood phonetics, instead with regular English f, n, g. Synonymous with the following slang terms: noob, newbie or greenhorn. An amateur.

Other: FNG-s (pl. n.)

Use: "I was so mad because nothing was done correctly in my packet; I kept my cool only because I remembered I was once an FNG too."

Thanks for reading.

Love you long time,

McLovin' out.

Relevant tunes:

Bloodhound Gang- Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Iron Maiden- These Colors Don't Run
Rancid- Civilian Ways